It's been a while now since I've felt like I've been in a reflective mood. And what that means is; that I haven't felt like I've had thorough or complete times of reflection recently. I don't know if that's been because I haven't been giving myself enough time to reflect, or if there's been too much to process, or if this just hasn't been that sort of a time in my life. And I say this, because this is the feeling that keeps me from posting things on this blog. It's my desire to give bits and pieces of my thoughts and myself through making them available to others on this blog, but often I have a hard time feeling I have something I want to present to others in this way. This is something for me to think about.
Lately, however, I've begun to have some of the "presentable" (whatever that means) thoughts, here are some:
I was on the ferry from Bremerton to Seattle, with my housemate greg the other day. And in spending a little bit of time staring at the ceiling and laying on the bench seat, I made some realizations. While many of my friends sincerely dislike flying in airplanes, because of the unnatural rate of travel, I can easily say that I thoroughly enjoy this experience. In fact being at airports or in an airplane, or even in a ferry for that matter, make for rather enjoyable experiences for me. For some reason this state of time in my life is never filled with any sort of stress or anxiety. For some reason I have en extremely hard time finding anything uncomfortable about the experience, until my butt goes numb from sitting too much. And even then I have the ability to change that rather quickly.
But in lying there on the ferry I realized that this may be because of what I am able to focus on during this time, and why that is. Perhaps the reason I enjoy being on a plane so much is because, I've been put in a position that I rarely experience at any other time. During this time the essential task I am performing is completely taken care of. I know for sure that I will traverse the intended distance, and that I will get there if the L-rd so desires. In fact at these times I am so sure that my task will be performed that I am able to remove any worry whatsoever from that task, and therefor focus my attention on any other thing I choose. Because of my trust in the longer journey's completion, I am able to give full attention to things like reading.
I don't know if this is a healthy way to look at this kind of travel, or if this is the sort of perspective I want to have on such a subject. But it is hard not to view my ability to focus in such a way as a blessing, especially in light of the stress that flying causes some of the people I know.
Ultimately, however, this is how I desire to view my relationship with G-d. It is my desire to be able to trust in G-d so much that I give myself the freedom to focus on the little things placed in front of me everyday. In the same way that I am able to trust fully in American Airlines, Alaska Alines, or Delta for the completion of a larger task, it is my desire to trust in the L-rd in the same way, but on a larger scale.
Right now, especially would be a good time to have such a trust, because I've found myself surrounded by a good deal of tasks to be performed, however sometimes my ability to fulfill those tasks to the best of my abilities, are lost in my in ability to have such trust.
This is something that it is my desire to work on.
Until next time
