this is marcus writing now
ive never really been fond of blogs or the intronet so yall might not see alot of my writn
as john mentioned we've been in kansas city the last little while and are headin to nashville soon, i think and hope and pray.
Being here has been alot about killing the ego, for me at least.
when i first stepped into "IHOP" at some ungodly hour, i had just been woken up by the car screeching to a hault in front of a house of prayer, supped up with a "higher grounds" cafe, bookstore, apartment complex for interns and the like, and a realty office.
Sitting there in the prayer room i found it next to impossible to focus my attention with the same song repeated for sometimes close to 45 minutes and cameras and a "support team" in yellow vests waltzing around with uneasy faces on. I decided to lay down and look at something less distracting than bright colors and overly zelous faces, the ceiling.
as my sleepy body started to get comforatble in praying and being surrounded with other souls calling out to god, i was approached by the yellow vest brigade and was told "you can't lay down here"
"are you serious"
"i think so"
after a little while john and i decided to go to the higher grounds cafe and drink tea and converse
i found myself asking "how can we get the church to stop being so annoying?"
As we went through the conference days, spending nights with fellow christians in their homes and conversatin with "ihoppers" i was bombarded with words such as , "i have a word for you",fire, prophetic, do you speak in tongues, generation, abortion, and so on
a couple days into it i couldnt find comfort in these situations, there would be glimpses of good stuff, like playing music with people, group prayer, moments to reflect on things and community but questions aroused everywhere
"why do i feel uncomforatble in my home, the church"
"why is there some much ephasis on certain verses, and why is there less of wholistic view of christ and his teaching"
"does everyone who speaks in tongues in the same city right now, and is it appropriate to try to edify the spirit using this means in such a corprate setting?"
"why is abortion the number one issue and why is the church prayer for certain laws to be passed"
"why isnt there more ephasis on aiding the poor"
"why is there never silence, and why cant i think straight"
on sunday we stepped outside of our regular routine and went with our friend rainbow to an orthodox church on the other side of town
(they eat lunch together after the service, and this week it was all vegan, yeah!)
after walking back to rainbows apartment we reflected on the service, with its whole liturgy and everything and i told rainbow that she had alot more patience than i did, and that in order to be as active in the orthodox church as she is that i would need alot more disciplin in my life and much more consistency and patience.
i told her that because of my own internal nonsense i didn't feel completely comforatble in the setting of that orthodox church
she reminded me that that is probably a good thing
the following day, onething had ended and in place was "the call" (they were 2 parts to the same conference, one thing focusing on the prophetic, end times and intercessory prayer, the call being more about this generation and abortion)
as i sat there trying to have the patience to endure lou engle talk about changing laws and the sort i started to be touched by the actual sentiment which had started such movements, the call to uplift and preserve life.
they then had to do what would knock me off my high-horse, and that was play one of my favorite songs as a prayer to god:"nothing but the blood of jesus"
as i sat there i started to understand that just as i had seen resentment and hate and a lack of love in the anti-abortion movement, and just as i had found the whole conference unerving, i started to see my own disposition as just as gross as theres.
the fact is that i grew up in a certain church, and i have my own individual opinions, burdens, and calls, but so does every other christian in the church today. Just because i choose to see things one way and focus on certain aspects of christ, does not make me any more or less of a christian, and it doesnt make any one else different either. If i sit and criticize one thing, and instead of look past it to see the same jesus as the people i am criticizing, then i am just as bad as the people who, instead of choosing to be more inclusive, choose to take on one singular issue, such as abortion, are.
the question shouldnt be "how can i make the church less annoying, or fit to my standards?" but "how can i respect the many different ways people carry out faith, and still find it in me, through christ, to uplift the good in that?"
I started to become very happy that i was put into a situation where i felt uneasy because it meant that i had to seek to find something in that tension.
That being said i am looking forward to spending more time in silence before god, and having a more guided worship time where instead of asking god to do something, i will be asking him what i should be doing.
I am also looking forward to understanding different aspects of faith, and the different ways they are carried out, not just how presbyterians, scumbodies, or ihoppers carry them out.
shalom.
