A lot of what I feel I learn about myself and how to love people comes from the conversations I have with my friends and family after having had an interaction or two that didn't go over so well. I mean that, to say, that I feel that most of my points of growth come from the process of reconciling with others.
This last week was no exception. I've been in the process of thinking about a number of things in the perspective of their longevity and all that entails. For instance, if I decide to stay committed to the same community for a long time, if I decide to continue to pursue playing music with the same people, or if I want to continue to think seriously about the future of my relationship with a certain lady in my life... what does it mean to be constructively critical of these relationships for them to last?
I feel it's good to question what the implications of my actions now, for the future of said relationships. And I also feel it's healthy to be able to communicate the ways, I feel, others in these relationships could grow and change for the better. However, it's a pretty dangerous line to walk, when you're willing to make yourself vulnerable in either of these positions. And even more dangerous, because there are feelings involved and a certain susceptibility for manipulation. To say the least, it's a road walked best with a good heaping spoon full grace and another dose of discernment.
So in this cycle of trial, error, and forgiveness that we all go through, I've picked up a few thoughts and questions along the way.
For instance, how does Christ have such patience for us? And how does he bear with us through the process of seeing our potential and then watching us botch it up day after day? And how do you leave room for people to actually grow into that potential with out smothering them with corrections?
I think I've learned to take people less seriously. And what I mean is; that If I look at someone's actions and think of whether or not this will be something that I will be able to deal with for the next number of weeks, months, years,..... (fill in the blank here) I often get so caught up in wether that is something I want, and I forget that said other person is in a process of growth on their own already. And if I get caught up in what's bothering me, I wouldn't be surprised if my conversations of debriefing, correcting, and expressing my feelings actually cause my friend (or whoever) to stay in that role. If I continuously put my friend in the role of the person that hurts me in this way, or does wrong in this way, my concern for control of the future can in fact keep this other person from actually being able to climb out from that spot.
In short, if I'm truly concerned for the betterment of another, wouldn't it prove to set them up for good, if I wasn't so quick to assume their previous position of acting negatively in my mind?
And ultimately what would it mean then, for me to bear with them through this process of growth, and really appreciate someone for their attempts to grow and not the rate at which they grow?
