we is gettin down to the lastest work we can git dun befo' we gone and ran outta time befo papa fest. 'bouts a week i recon and then we got bouts aweek or so before we dun drivin the dang ol bus to the actual festivale. hopin ta pick up som foodstamps on the way so we can really get to feedin.
speakin a which we finally got to the point of bein serious about tryin to come up with some consensus in the group about what we are wantin to do with the bus and what we can commit ourselves to. Its been dumbfoundingly hard for me personally to sit through these sessions as we try to hack things out. i think its good and neccessary for us but it most certainly aint easy. Things that seem simple to me arent always agreed upon and it sometimes seems to me as pretty rediculous and not very constructive to be at the place we are at now. To me it seems like what i am called to is to live out my convictions to serve God and others and love my neighbors as my self in as many aspects of my life as i can, through christian community livin which is based around consensus and accountability. I think that this idea is pretty idealistic to think of right now, but really it breaks my heart when i can't seem to see things as such. i think that we are definitely workin towards some of that, but as of right now we cant come to answer what we are wantin to do as a group, other than to love God and learn more about him. I think thats a pretty good spot to start and i think that its worth bein grateful for to have that much to agree on but it sure is hard to deal with things not workin out as ild like. Not to mention we have troubles sometimes just conversatin' and workin together (which is mighty crucial at this point). But all will work out if we let it- meaning if we let God help us. I think that just as much as i can see a need for others to come to agree on some of the stuff i think is important, i also know that i must realize that not only is everyone at different spots and might not be able to do, or agree with, certain things at this point, i also need to realize my own crap in this; i can't expect other people to be at the place i'm at and i certainly hope that they wouldnt be at the exact same place im at because im pretty certain my discernment and my understanding and wisdom and the way i live those things out are often off by a long shot. The fact that its hard for me to sit through this shows how far off i am.
i know that these things are necessary to deal with as far as growth is concerned- but they suck to deal with.
please pray for peace and understanding bigger than our individual hearts, and for the ability to make these last efforts pull through, so we can get to utilizin our bus (which is excitin as all hell).
god bless
-marcus
